Foundations of Intentional Living: Discovering Your Values

In a world of endless options and constant distractions, many people find themselves moving through life on autopilot. They follow predetermined scripts—wake up, check phone, commute, work, scroll social media, sleep, repeat—without questioning whether these habits align with what truly matters to them. Days blur into weeks, weeks into months, and before they know it, years have passed without much conscious direction.

I witnessed this firsthand when my friend David turned 40. Despite having what many would consider a successful life—good career, nice home, loving family—he felt a deep sense of emptiness. "I've done everything I was supposed to do," he confessed over coffee one morning, "but somehow I feel like I've been living someone else's life. I've been following a script without questioning if it's the right one for me."

Many people find themselves drifting through life, making choices based on convenience, social expectations, or the path of least resistance. They pursue promotions without asking if the work fulfills them, accumulate possessions that don't bring lasting joy, maintain relationships out of habit rather than genuine connection, and spend their precious time on activities that, upon reflection, don't matter much at all.

Intentional living offers an alternative: a mindful approach to everyday decisions that brings your actions into alignment with your deepest values. It's about taking back the pen and writing your own script, deliberately choosing how you spend your time, energy, and resources rather than letting circumstances or cultural defaults decide for you.

What Is Intentional Living?

Intentional living means deliberately designing your lifestyle around what you truly value. It's about making conscious choices rather than defaulting to convenience, habit, or societal expectations. This philosophy isn't about achieving perfection—it's about awareness and alignment, the ongoing practice of bringing your daily actions into harmony with your deepest values.

When many people begin exploring intentional living, they assume it means adopting a specific lifestyle—perhaps minimalism, or homesteading, or some other well-defined approach. They quickly discover that intentional living looks different for everyone because it emerges from personal values rather than external templates. For some, it might mean downsizing possessions and embracing simplicity. For others, it might involve career changes that create more time for family or creative pursuits. The specific choices matter less than the awareness behind them.

At its core, intentional living involves:

• Clarifying your personal values and what matters most to you
• Creating awareness of your daily choices and their alignment with those values
• Eliminating distractions that pull you away from your priorities
• Designing systems that support your intentional choices
• Regularly reflecting on whether your life expresses what matters to you

Consider how this plays out in everyday life. Imagine two people deciding where to live. Person A chooses a neighborhood based mainly on property values and commute time, without much deeper reflection. Person B carefully considers what matters most to them—perhaps community connection, access to nature, or proximity to family—and makes a decision aligned with those values, even if it means compromise in other areas. Both may end up in good situations, but Person B's choice emerges from intentionality rather than default reasoning.

The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. Most of us are busy, our calendars filled with appointments and obligations. But being busy isn't the same as being purposeful. Intentional living invites us to flip the script—to first determine what truly matters to us, then design our lives around those priorities.

This philosophy isn't about perfectionism or rigid control. Rather, it's about making decisions with awareness and purpose, whether those decisions involve your career, relationships, possessions, or how you spend your Tuesday evening. It's about recognizing that while we can't control everything in our lives, we have more agency than we often exercise.

Why Live Intentionally?

Research in positive psychology suggests that purpose and meaning are essential components of well-being. A 2016 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who reported having a sense of purpose showed greater life satisfaction and psychological well-being than those who didn't. This aligns with what philosophers and spiritual teachers have suggested for centuries: a good life isn't just about feeling happy momentarily; it's about feeling that your life has coherence and direction.

The research on purpose is particularly striking when we look at its effects across different domains. Studies show that a strong sense of purpose correlates with better physical health outcomes, greater resilience during difficult times, and even longevity. One study followed over 6,000 participants for 14 years and found that those with a strong sense of purpose had a 15% lower risk of death compared to those who reported feeling aimless.

These findings make intuitive sense when we consider how purpose influences our daily choices. When we have a clear sense of what matters to us, we're more likely to make decisions that support our wellbeing in the long run, even when those decisions require short-term sacrifice or discomfort.

Beyond the research, intentional living offers practical benefits:

• Reduced decision fatigue by establishing meaningful defaults
• Greater satisfaction with how you spend your time and money
• Improved focus on what truly matters to you
• Less regret about missed opportunities or wasted resources
• Stronger alignment between your stated values and lived experience
• More authentic relationships based on genuine priorities

I've witnessed these benefits in my own life and in the lives of countless others who have embraced intentional living. One friend, after clarifying that family connection was a core value, redesigned her work schedule to have dinner with her children every evening. The change required some professional sacrifice, but she reports feeling "like I'm finally living in accordance with what I say matters most to me." Another acquaintance, after realizing how much he valued creativity and learning, shifted his entertainment choices from passive television watching to taking guitar lessons and reading—activities that left him feeling energized rather than depleted.

The most common reflection I hear from people who begin living more intentionally is some version of: "I feel more like myself." There's a peculiar lightness that comes from aligning your outer life with your inner values, a sense of integrity in the original meaning of the word—wholeness, the state of being undivided.

Clarifying Your Values: The Foundation of Intentional Living

You can't live according to your values if you haven't clearly identified them. While this might seem obvious, many of us operate from inherited or assumed values rather than carefully chosen ones. We absorb values from our families, education, religious institutions, and cultural messages without necessarily examining whether these values truly resonate with our authentic selves.

This unconscious absorption of values can lead to what psychologists call "value conflicts"—situations where our stated values contradict each other or our actual behavior. For example, someone might say they value both career success and family connection, but consistently make choices that prioritize work at the expense of family time. This misalignment isn't usually intentional; more often, it reflects a lack of clarity about which values take precedence when they come into conflict.

Many high-achieving professionals who feel perpetually exhausted and unfulfilled despite their impressive accomplishments often discover that their initial values were what they thought they should have, not necessarily what truly mattered to them. After deeper reflection, they identify their authentic core values: creativity, connection, and contribution. These values still support professional achievement but change how they approach their work and what success looks like to them.

Value Identification Exercise

Set aside 30-60 minutes for this foundational exercise:

1. Brainstorm freely: Write down everything that feels important to you without judgment
2. Look for patterns: Group similar items together
3. Prioritize: If everything is important, nothing is. Force yourself to rank your values
4. Test for authenticity: Ask, "Would I make sacrifices for this value?" If not, it may not be a core value
5. Reduce to essentials: Aim for 3-5 core values that will guide your decisions

This exercise is deceptively simple but profoundly revealing. Many people discover that what they thought were their values are actually means to other ends, not ends in themselves. For example, someone might list "financial security" as a value, but deeper reflection reveals that what they truly value is "freedom" or "peace of mind," with financial security serving as a means to those ends.

When I guide people through this exercise, I encourage them to distinguish between values and preferences. Values provide direction for your life and remain relatively stable over time, while preferences involve specific likes and dislikes that may change frequently. For example, valuing "growth" is different from preferring certain growth experiences over others. The value remains constant, while the specific expressions of it might evolve throughout your life.

Examples of core values might include:

• Connection (prioritizing meaningful relationships)
• Growth (continuous learning and development)
• Contribution (making a positive difference)
• Authenticity (being true to yourself)
• Wellbeing (prioritizing physical and mental health)
• Wonder (experiencing beauty and awe)

Core values serve as your internal compass, guiding decisions both major and minor throughout your life. They represent what fundamentally matters to you at the deepest level, beyond circumstances or roles. While the specific expression of these values might change across different life stages, the values themselves remain relatively stable.

The most important aspect of identifying your values is honesty. This isn't about identifying aspirational values or what you think you should value; it's about recognizing what genuinely drives you. Values aren't morally good or bad in themselves—they're deeply personal orientations that guide your unique path.

Reflection prompt: Think about a time when you felt completely aligned and fulfilled. What values were you honoring in that moment?

Many marketing executives recall moments of complete alignment and fulfillment when teaching younger family members traditional skills or sharing meaningful experiences across generations. These memories help them identify "connection," "tradition," and "presence" as core values, which later influence major decisions about their career and living situation.

From Values to Vision

Once you've clarified your values, envision how they might manifest in different life domains:

• Work: How would your ideal career honor your values?
• Home: What would your living space look and feel like?
• Relationships: What qualities would your important relationships have?
• Health: How would you care for your body and mind?
• Time: How would you spend your days and weeks?

This vision becomes your personal North Star, guiding daily decisions and long-term planning. It's not a rigid blueprint but rather a dynamic reference point that evolves as you grow and change. The key is that it emerges from your authentic values rather than external expectations or comparisons.

Getting Started on Your Values Journey

1. Set aside dedicated time: Schedule 30-60 minutes of uninterrupted reflection
2. Create a contemplative environment: Find a quiet space free from distractions
3. Begin with curiosity: Approach the process with open-minded exploration
4. Suspend judgment: There are no "right" or "wrong" values
5. Test against your life experience: Consider when you've felt most fulfilled and aligned

The journey toward intentional living begins with this crucial first step of value identification. Once you have clarity about what truly matters to you, you'll have a powerful foundation for making choices that create a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

Remember that identifying your values isn't a one-time exercise but an ongoing process of refinement. As you gain life experience and grow as a person, you may discover new dimensions of what matters to you or adjust the priorities among your core values. The key is maintaining awareness of these inner guideposts and regularly checking whether your outer life reflects them.

What core values might guide your intentional living journey? Take time today to begin exploring this essential question—it's the first step toward a life of greater purpose, meaning, and alignment.